Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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