Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
