i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
