xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
