What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
