Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
