My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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