It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
