he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
