Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
