I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
