This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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