3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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