Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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