Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
