A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
