Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
