I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I faked an abortion last night.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
