Your face is a jimmy john
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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