Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
