yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
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