Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
