Well douche your snatch and let's go!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize