party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
