marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
