paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
