i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
