I feel like abortions should bother me more
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
