you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
That accounts for only three of the penises
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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