then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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