so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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