Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
