My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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