My friends, they love my intelligence
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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