Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
party gras won. party gras always wins.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
