You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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