drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
