This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
