I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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