Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
