I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
