Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
