I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
