I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
