not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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