somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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