hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
