Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
