i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
