woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize