I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Randomize