the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
