Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
