The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
