I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
