Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
