NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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