I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
