I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
