just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
