i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
