In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize