You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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