I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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