I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
