My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
