i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Randomize
