Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
