I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
