So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
