dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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