She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
