yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
there was a trapeze. enough said
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
