im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
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