he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
