Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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