UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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