Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
