someone get that fucking seahorse.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
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