im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
