I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
