RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
