these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
