I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
