its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
