I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
