i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize