so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
