I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
