if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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