I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
