toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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