Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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