I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
