it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
