Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize