I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
