I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I supernannyed him into submission
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
