Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
