I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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