If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
