apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
