On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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