The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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