her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
