try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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